Can't sleep.

What happens when you have too much on the brain and you can't sleep? You either do laundry, but there's a risk you will wake up your kids, or you blog.


As I sit here with my brain going constantly about one thing and another. I am wondering how you become the single mom who is organized, tidy, kind and not financially tapped every month?  I don't know.  I question how I am as a mother, almost everyday.  When the kids go to bed and the house is quiet, that is when the self-reflection begins.  I should have, I could have, next time I will... I am sure these thoughts are partially why I don't sleep great.


For example, I have been TRYING to get my house in order (something I have never really been good at), but I constantly have big goals!  I always say, "I am so tired of the house being messy..."  Yet, you get one room de-cluttered, to find another totally out of control.  I am painting parts of the interior of my house and at the same time, clean out the room I am painting.


As well as painting, I am a bookkeeper with my own business I run out of my house.  This is the part, where I am trying to get out of the financial hole I seemed to dig myself into!   I am in the middle of year end for one of my clients.  This means, I cannot clean or organize or paint all day. This also means, sometimes, I am too mentally done by the end of the day to clean or organize or paint.  But work, I must!


I am not a great time manager, but I am learning.  One thing I have had to remind myself is that work has to come second to my kids.  When they go with their dad, I miss them.  Don't get me wrong, the forced break is good for my brain sometimes, but it is always too quiet when they are not in the house.


When they come home, I am constantly reminding myself to STOP and look at them when they are talking to me, STOP and look at the pictures they drew for me.  I decided the other day to start reading stories to my boys (7 & 10) before bed.  I stopped at some point, because I didn't let myself enjoy it.  I was always focused on getting them to bed.


Well I can tell you, this has been one of my better parenting decisions.  Not only am I stopping to sit with my boys, but they snuggle in on either side of me and listen as I read.  I am loving it!  


I would love to sit and read with my daughter (13),  but I am not sure she would enjoy that?  We end up watching t.v. together after the boys go to bed.  Not quite the same, but it is just us.


So, what are the answers?  I still don't know.  Not sure anyone really has the answer.  I am just doing the best I can everyday.  Sometimes I get an A+, sometimes I get a D.  It would be great to have a B average!